Top Ten Underarted Songs Of Bollywood

Let me begin by telling you that I think songs like "Uunchi hai building, lift teri band hai" are perfectly normal as they have an obvious meaning (however mundane or trivial it be) and so it's pointless to waste our energies on discussing such songs..They deserve the (dis)respect they get. We are only going to discuss songs which have seemingly meaningless or incoherent lyrics but are typically misunderstood by the masses because of their deep underlying meanings.

10. Gale mein laal taai, ghar mein ek charpaayi, takiya ek hai aur ham do ek hai razaai
Sardi kaise jaayegi kaho kaise hume neend aayegi
Movie: Hum tumhaare hain sanam

 This song takes a dig at the show-offish lifestyle of young urban Indian middle class families and how they struggle to maintain it. Even though SRK is not able to afford a pillow and a quilt in harsh winters, he still wears a red tie to hide his hardships from the outside world. My heart bleeds whenever I listen to this song.


9. Jab tak rahega samose mein aalu, tera rahunga main o meri Shaalu 
Movie: Mr and Ms khilaadi

 Indians are probably the greatest foodlovers in the entire universe. And for diehard foodies, nothing signifies inseperable love better than "samosa" and "aloo", which are destined to be together. Also, the blissful energy with which the duo dance in this song (wearing horrendous nightsuits) tells us how love and great food is all we need in order to be happy and....straight. Well I never doubted that.


8. Wo kehte hain hum se abhi umar nahi hai pyar ki.
Nadaan hain woh kya jaane kab kali khili bahar ki
Movie: Dariyadil

 When I listened to the song first time, I was like, "Govinda..dude...they are talking about the right age, not the right season". But then I realized how wrong I was. The "kali khili bahar ki" is used as a metaphor in this song for development(khili) of primary/secondary organs(kali) of sex(bahaar), so the 2nd line is actually Govinda's reply to his parents/relatives telling them that he has already reached puberty which they are so unaware of. Very subtle and impressive!


7. Main laila laila chillaunga, kurta phaad ke
Movie: Anari number 1

 This song has always been a symbol of great platonic love for me. The protagonist doesn't want to woo his lady love by his sexuality - otherwise he would have said "pajama phaad ke". Instead he is trying to win her by his simplicity symbolized by wearing a "phata hua kurta", like a fakir.

6. Ishq baadshah hai husn hai ghulam, kar mujhe salaam, kar mujhe salaam
Movie: Chahoonga main tujhe???

 It's an early '90s song. I was really young when this movie was released and that's probbly why I initially failed to connect the 1st and 2nd part of the 1st line of this song. But gradually I understood how daringly original the lyrics of this song were. While it's quite clear that the (male) protagonist wants to be seen as the symbol of love, his demand for respect solely on that basis is unprecedented and shocking to many. From time immemorial, Indian poets and lyricists have made ishq worship husn in their poetry and songs. But for the 1st time in Indian history someone has dared to reverse the trend by demanding some recognition for ishq's unquestionable loyalty to husn for so many years. And I appreciate this act of courage. I truly do. Salaam to the lyricist!!


5. Woofer tu meri..meri, main tera amplifier..fier
Album: ???


Ok I'll be honest here. I had to seek a friend's help in deciphering the true meaning of this song. My friend is an electronics engineer.
As widely known, female vocal chords are conventional source of high frequency sound emitters. By comparing his girlfriend to a woofer - a low frequency sound producing device, Imran Khan is telling her how different and special she is. Also, he knows women hate men for taking their words lightly. So he compares himself with a device (an amplifier) which doesn't suppress but boosts the strength of audio signals received  to assure his girlfriend that she will always be taken seriously.

4. Ek aankh maaroon toh parda phat jaaye, dooji aankh maroon kaleja katt jaaye
Dono aankhen maaroon toh chhori patt jaaye, o chhori patt jaaye
Movie: Tohfa

 It's said that Barbareek, one of the greatest warriors in Indian mythology had 3 unfallible arrows in his quiver. One of our modern super heroes, the jumping jack Jitendra reportedly has 3 equally potent weapons with him - his three winks. While the left eye wink exposes his enemies, the right eye wink pierces their liver but it's the two-eye wink that's the most intriguing of them all. A two-eye wink is nothing but a blink. Very subtly it tells us that Jitendra uses left eye-right eye winks to destroy his enemies and can charm a girl simply by blinking....does that seem to allude to a computer game? I won't be surprised if it does. It's such a great song with multiple layers of hidden meanings.

3. Mere baap ki beti mujhe bhai bolti, mere baap ki bibi mujhe beta bolti
Meri maa ka bhai mujhe bhaanja bolta, mere bhai ki beti mujhe chacha bolti
Movie: Chal mere bhai


It's not just a song about the importance of strong family values. On the contrary, through this song Sanjay Dutt wants to draw the audience's attention to the negatives of a nuclear family and how it leads to despair, pain and frustration to the unmarried members of the family.


2. Baith ja baith gayi , khadi ho ja khadi ho gayi
Ghum ja ghum gayi, jhoom ja jhoom gayi
Bhul ja bhul gayi
Movie: Amir Garib


If  this song especially the last line made you feel that the song is about a one night stand, I don't really blame you. Cleverly disguised as one, the song is actually about unquestioning love and trust. It tells us that so complete should be your trust (in your partner) that you shouldn't question him even when he tells you to simply forget him without giving you any reason to do so.

1. Jurassic Park mein sundar se jorey jazz music gaye milke
Picasso ki painting mera peecha pakarke texas mein nache mil ke

Movie: Humse hai muqabla

At the surface the average pair-wise correlation of the lines of this song appears to be close to zero. But if you shut your eyes (and mind and all other senses) and listen to this song, you will know that never in the history of bollywood a song was written with such beautiful and profound lyrics. I wouldn't even attempt to explain it because I just can't. Nobody can. You don't explain or understand it. You have to feel it.


Most of the songs above are either from '80s or '90s. That was the golden era of Hindi music industry. They don't make such masterpieces anymore. I wish they did. Listening to them would be much more fun than writing about them.

When "Pappu" met "Ramesh Babu"...

If you happen to have read http://b612-the-tiny-planet.blogspot.com/2010/05/ek-option-ka-premium-tum-kya-jaano.html before coming here and are already thinking what an ass of a derivative trader Ramesh Babu is, let me tell you, Ramesh Babu is not a trader at all. He has this knack of making things such as "ek chutki sindoor" famous by refusing to understand their value. He made "ek chutki sindoor" more famous than "sindoor" itslf by(allegedly) undermining its importance. Nobody knew about this strange ability of his until the day Pappu-the-stud came to work for his company. He instantly envied Pappu for being a blue-eyed, handsome, young, MBA and started spreading bad words about him. As a result, Pappu instantly became "spectacularly" "popular". Pappu thanked Ramesh Babu and they became very good friends. Once, when Pappu was "holidaying in france" he went to a party where the crowd booed at him saying "Pappu can't dance sala". He tried telling them, "Pappu guitar bajata hai", "but Pappu nach nahi sakta", but the crowd kept making fun of him.

Heartbroken and ashamed of his poor dancng skills, Pappu - after coming back to India - tried to get rid of his 2nd left leg by enrolling in a salsa class. But Ramesh Babu was never a big fan of salsa and he told Pappu it's the most hideous dance form ever. Since Ramesh Babu was a great friend of his, Pappu listened to him and went for Jive lessons instead. That's how Salsa became hugely popular in India overnight. Same thing happened with Jive too. But Pappu finally got fed up with it all and decided to hang up his dancing shoes for ever....while western dance forms kept getting more popular everyday.

What the hell was it!!!

Saw one more movie with a totally screwed up storyline. But then a plot with so many holes is bound to be fucked!!!

Overheard at the local shop

I am back. What?!!! You weren't exactly dying waiting for me?!!! Well, I am back anyway. What kept me for so long was netiher apping nor IPL and continuing in the same vein, what brought me here today wasn't the lack of these two activities either. There is still a lot of of work to do(in apping) and action to catch(in IPL).

Remember the kid in "The sixth sense"? Much to my horror, I recently discovered that I have similar powers. But there's a twist. No, that doesn't mean I see ghosts dancing away. In fact, I don't see dead people at all; I see smartasses. No, not round and tight posteriors, ya pervert; though I admit seeing thaose would be thousand times more fun. What I mean is PJs and wise cracks follow me like heat seeking missiles these days, wherever I go. Even at the local medical/stationery shop. And that made me think, why the hell do we not have a shopkeeper-customer genre of jokes in the jokebooks. I mean, we have courtroom humour, boardroom humour, bathroom humour, bedroom homour, husband-wife jokes, father-son jokes, father in law-son in law jokes, mother in law-daughter in law jokes, manager-employee jokes, student-teacher jokes, engineer-manager jokes, friend-friend jokes, lover boy-lover girl jokes and a lot more sub-categories!! So why not shopkeeper-customer jokes?? Especially when we are subjected to it on a daily basis. Well, at least I am.

And this is what brings me here. So ladies and gentlemen, let me have the honour of presenting to you the world's first official collection of shopkeeper-customer humour.

1. Me: Bhaiya, yeh pen kaam nahi karta?
Bhaiya: Nahi ji, yeh bas likhta hai :)

2. Auntyji: Arre bhaiya, kuchh achhe prints dikhao na!
Exasperated Kannadiga shopkeeper: Amma, company mera naiii....

3. Lady with an accent: How much?
Fish seller: Rui maachh madaaam :)

4. Ages ago, my cousin who didn't know any bengali went to a local shop and after getting his stuff gave a 100 rupee note to the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper asked for change saying, "khuchro khuchro". My cousin left the shop saying he will get it from home. When he told one of my brothers what happened, my brother asked him if he didn't have change. My cousin's reply to this was awesome. He said, "I had plenty. But I thought "khuchro" is a number > 100"

...the day my memory and willingness to write came good at the same time, I will post more.

The office which did not have Indian holidays.

Half the seats in my office are empty today. It's a bank holiday in London.

Someone quipped(and this time I am fairly sure it was me): "Woh holiday pe holi nahi manaate, aur hum holi pe holiday. Even stevens"

My colleagues, in unison: Shit!!!

ME: Holi shit.

AY HP ROTTERR....

If you are an HP fan, you should read this, and if you are one of his h(e)aters, well you must.

http://www.cracked.com/article_17510_5-ways-people-are-taking-harry-potter-waaay-too-seriously.html

OK, so this is how it happened!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer- All characters and events here are real(or at least as good as my memory), and resemblance to any person, whether in one piece or two, is purely deliberate.

The road was pretty narrow, and whether I was high or it actually got narrower, whenever I saw a four wheeler coming from opposite direction, I don't remember now. Suddenly I saw this truck coming from opposite direction. Swaying heavily, it looked like a drunken Knight Bus and I heard a voice within me(or was it KT, sitting behind me) say "STOP". I looked at the driver and he looked strangely familiar to "The Joker" in The Dark Knight. Suddenly the thing between my legs(the bike, you pervert) felt like a Batmobile bike, and I accelerated instead of slowing down.

Moments later, while lying on the road, I heard some strange noises and when I looked up there seemed a chopper hovering above me. But disappearence of the chopper next moment made me realise it was not the sound of the blades but KT chanting f**k-f**k-f**k-f**k like some kind of healing mantra, while shaking his head like a flying object hovering overhead. "Let's go", was all I said getting up. "Which hospital?", KT asked. "We are not going to a hospital, unless you are badly hurt", I replied trying not to wince. "I'm fine", he said, adding with suspicious eyes,"You sure you'll be OK though?". "Yeah. Lets go to Motz place" I said with some finality in my voice.

We picked up whatever was left of the bike and left the place quietly. KT rode this time, with me sitting silently behind him, clutching my left shoulder - which I came to know a little later was broken - with my right hand tightly. It didn't help much as KT seemed hell bent on getting a confession out of me and actually increased the speed whenever he saw a speed breaker in front of him, singing merrily "I'm on a highway to hell". "You saying something", suddenly he turned his head sideways and asked loudly. "It's not me. The broken bones, if moved a lot produce sounds like that", I said in the most sarcastic manner I could. With a devillish grin(and increased speed) he asked, "Oh, so what do the sounds seem to say, haan?". "Slooowww Dooooooowwwwnnnnn", I yelled seeing the next speed braker approaching us at 50 kmph.

We reached Motz' place at around midnight. No, we did not go there because he is a doctor, though considering his lifestyle, he badly needs to see one. And everyone over there suggested going to a hospital/nursing home immediately, except me of course. I suggested watching a movie, promising everyone that if the shoulder got any worse, we would go to a hospital immediately. By the time the movie was over, I found there was some kind of yawn fest going on inside the room. So, I quietly started watching another movie. After finishing the 2nd movie at 6 o' clock in the morning, I felt like getting up from the bed and figured that I couldn't. My left hand, like a vehicle stuck in BTM signal, refused to move.

I woke KT up and asked him to come with me, at which he started asking questions only a person woken against his will at 6 a.m could ask. "It still hurts?", he asked a little over-rubbing his sleepy eyes. "No, it's tickling me now, which I find very irritating", I retorted. He couldn't pretend any longer and we went to St John's, the nearest one from Motz' house.

There, KT was told he was fine, which we already knew and I was told I was not, which was not very surprising either. When I pressed for more info, the doc just said, "It's a clavicle fracture". Very euphemistically I told him when a person from non medical back-ground asks for more info, you ought to tell him "what's broken and how badly", in plain and simple terms. He took the cue and informed me that my collar bone is broken which can be fixed without any surgery, though I would have to wear a brace(the last 2 letters looked so redundant to me when I first looked at it) and an arm sling for at least one month, which sounded much worse than a surgery. Then the doc told me the "figure of 8" brace - which worked like a phaansi ka fanda for shoulders - will be on 24X7, until either the bone is completely mended or I am strangled to death, whichever comes earlier.

I came home, blessed my lucky stars, tried to picture what's gonna happen in next few days, maybe weeks and slept off.